Thursday, November 18, 2010


A paraprosdokian (from  Greek  meaning "beyond expectation") is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader  or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It  is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect,  sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is  extremely popular among comedians and satirists. Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early  phrase, but also play on the double meaning of a  particular word, creating asyllepsis.

Ã?Ë?  I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work  that way. So I stole a bike and asked for  forgiveness.

Ã?Ë?   Do not  argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level  and beat you with  experience.

Ã?Ë?   I want to  die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not  screaming and yelling like the passengers in his  car.

Ã?Ë?   Going to church  doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a  garage makes you a car.

Ã?Ë?  The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's  still on the list.

Ã?Ë?    Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people  appear bright until you hear them  speak.

Ã?Ë?   If I agreed  with you we'd both be wrong.

Ã?Ë?  We never really grow up, we only learn how to act  in public.

Ã?Ë?   War does  not determine who is right - only who is  left.

Ã?Ë?   Knowledge is  knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a  fruit salad.

Ã?Ë?   The early bird might get  the worm, but the second mouse gets the  cheese.

Ã?Ë?   Evening news  is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed  to tell you why it isn't.

Ã?Ë?  To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To  steal from many is research.

Ã?Ë?  A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station  is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work  station.

Ã?Ë?   How is it one  careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a  whole box to start a  campfire?

Ã?Ë?   Some people  are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but  you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the  stairs.

Ã?Ë?   Dolphins are  so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can  train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and  throw them fish.

Ã?Ë?   I  thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay  checks.

Ã?Ë?   A bank is a  place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you  don't need it.

Ã?Ë?    Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says  "If an emergency, notify:" I put  "DOCTOR".

Ã?Ë?   I didn't  say it was your fault, I said I was blaming  you.

Ã?Ë?   I saw a woman  wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on I said "Implants?"

Ã?Ë?   Why does  someone believe you when you say there are four billion  stars, but check when you say the paint is  wet?

Ã?Ë?   Women will never  be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a  bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are  sexy.(and shirtless)

Ã?Ë?   Why do  Americans choose from just two people to run for president  and 50 for Miss America ?

Ã?Ë?  Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind  the fall of a successful man is usually another  woman.

Ã?Ë?   A clear  conscience is usually the sign of a bad  memory.

Ã?Ë?   You do not  need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to  skydive twice.

Ã?Ë?   The  voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good  ideas!

Ã?Ë?   Always borrow  money from a pessimist. He won't expect it  back.

Ã?Ë?   A diplomat is  someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that  you will look forward to the  trip.

Ã?Ë?    Hospitality:  making your guests feel like they're at  home, even if you wish they were.

Ã?Ë?   Money can't buy  happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Ã?Ë?   I discovered I  scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my  foot.

Ã?Ë?   Some cause  happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they  go.

Ã?Ë?   There's a fine line  between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't  get away.

Ã?Ë?   I used to  be indecisive. Now I'm not  sure.

Ã?Ë?   I always take  life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a  shot of tequila.

Ã?Ë?   When  tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire  Department usually uses  water.

Ã?Ë?   You're never  too old to learn something stupid.

Ã?Ë?  To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and  call whatever you hit the target.

Ã?Ë?    Nostalgia isn't what it used to  be.

Ã?Ë?   Some people hear  voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

Ã?Ë?  A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you  are after it as when you are in  it.

Ã?Ë?   If you are  supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people  have more than one child?

Ã?Ë?  Change is inevitable, except from a vending  machine.

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